Sally's Planning for Retirement Blog

Somewhere between Shania Twain and Alexa, we have embraced Rightmove and dating apps. With one swipe right you can find yourself booking a viewing when you’re not even on the market.

I’ve been hashtagging #50waystoleaveyour50s since my 59^th birthday and have segued into this blog http://60waystoenjoyyour60s.home.blog but neither ‘leaving my 50’s’ nor ‘enjoying my 60’s’ involved downloading a dating app. My daughter has enough to say about dating app potential partners. One nicknamed Roadkill Ryan, specialised in Roadkill Cuisine and the contents of his fridge defied description.  Anyway, I perhaps rather belatedly state, I’m happily married.

But I must confess to a long standing extra marital affair with Rightmove (other property sites are available).  I’m not entirely sure when this started but before I was in the market to purchase a property I would do the house hunting equivalent of seeking a mate – Estate Agent window shopping. Window shopping led to formally registering interest as a potential ‘first time buyer’, the thump of property details through the letterbox, serial viewings and finally a hook up.  Like dating, that first ‘home’ is unlikely to be a forever home but something that suits you in the present – a SINKY – single income no kids yet. Looking back it seems all very old school and above board and simple. But somewhere between Shania Twain and Alexa, we have embraced Rightmove and dating apps. With one swipe right you can find yourself booking a viewing when you’re not even on the market.

You may not be ‘really looking’ and be very happy where you are (despite cracks in the ceiling, a chimney that smokes and the odd damp patch) but you can easily find yourself fantasising about that newly refurbished Edwardian semi and its upmarket location or the new build with the polished granite whatevers, underfloor heating and bathtub in the bedroom. It is too tempting to look. For the house obsessed, you can even do a bit of Zoopla hoopla and calculate your mortgage and monthly payments on your fantasy purchase.

And if you have a house to sell, viewings are like first dates. Will you be asked for a second viewing? When do you exchange numbers? At what point do you go public? You give and receive feedback, “The reality did not live up to the online photos.”  And if potential viewers don’t show up at all you feel rejected and humiliated – and you spent so long dusting your corners and vacuuming your carpet! If someone puts in an offer and then withdraws or says they love the house and will definitely make an offer and then ghosts you – bricks and mortar or flesh and blood – you’ve been dumped!

When I first saw Vine Cottage on Rightmove it was love at first sight. The crumbling outbuildings the flagstone and brick floors, the beams and ceilings so low you can barely stand up straight. But it was on the wrong side of the tracks and I hesitated. But the pull of true love was too strong and drew me in. We had a first date followed swiftly by a second…I was afraid to breathe… and then to everyone’s surprise there was a proposal. We tie the knot on 6^th January.

No one will be wanting to deliver the Estelle Reiner line, “I’ll have what she’s having.”

On Monday 18th November 2019 I announced at morning briefing I would be retiring at the end of the academic year.  It was all about me.  Back in my office Kasia asked if she could have a word.  I thought she was going to say how sorry she was that I had decided to retire.  It was all about me.  Then she said, “I’ve been told I’ve got breast cancer and I’m going to need some time off but it’s OK because the team has got a plan so the students won’t be affected.”  We hugged.   Here was someone who would never say, “It’s all about me.”

I knew Kasia was a phenomenal teacher, kind, popular with all staff and beautiful but I didn’t realise until now what an extraordinarily special person she is.  Kasia’s treatment started this week.  Her optimism and selflessness are breathtaking and humbling.  She has nothing but praise for the staff at the Royal Marsden and has tried to find humour in her situation.  Bizarrely we had an email exchange about liminal space – I was thinking about transitions and how we adapt when there’s a pause in our lives as we contemplate new beginnings and change.  I was thinking about retirement and moving house.  Oh and the General Election.  Kasia had never come across the concept of liminal space but in her inimitable way wrote, “I often feel that I am in that special place ahead of the goal I want to achieve- that journey is unknown, uncertain, messy and for me it is most exciting (well it is scary as well but what can be more motivating than being scared a bit?).  My illness and treatment is that journey.”

Kasia said the first evening and night after chemo was ‘ropey’.  Looking at the photo of a bunch of huge syringes – no one will be wanting to deliver the Estelle Reiner line, “I’ll have what she’s having.”

Kasia you are truly an inspirational woman.  You are much loved and we are all thinking of you and willing you through this liminal space.

“A photo diary of today: massive syringes, followed by a visit in a wig establishment (essential)…”  

Kasia trying on a wig

Syringes – treatment 1

Three things have happened this week which have thrown the passage of time into sharp relief.  I’ve renewed my passport – really easy to do on line these days – but blimey, those photos! Every decade what a cruel reminder of the passage of time!  And our youngest child has turned 20 – no longer a teenager and very much his own person – we reminisced looking through early photo albums and then scrolled through the images on our phones.  Another reminder of how technological changes creep in like lines on aging faces and inches in height and breadth of shoulder.

This week we should also hear whether we will finally be moving house.  Have you ever compared the estate agent’s details of your house when you bought it with those of the agent selling it?  Wow – the passage of time and a financially crippling familiarity with the Farrow and Ball paint chart.

We should have an exchange date by Friday 13th December – oh and a new government but I won’t repeat what Harold Wilson said about the passage of time in politics.